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How to Have an Enemy: Book Discussion Group

Josh (my spouse) and I are hosting a Book Study with the book, How to Have an Enemy: Righteous Anger & The Work of Peace, by Melissa Florer-Bixler. This book study is in collaboration with our church at FaithWorks, in Winnipeg, Manitoba. Anyone can join, our group max is set for 10-12 people. If you're interested in participating you can register by email (ferventfolk@gmail.com) by February 1. The group will meet for 8 weeks beginning Feb 6.


Books and notes on a table with a candle and plants. Prominent book title: "How to Have an Enemy." Text overlay: "Book Discussion Group."

I’ve chosen a provocative book to study on purpose

Check out the description from the back cover,

Does Jesus’ call to love our enemies mean that we should remain silent in the face of injustice? Jesus called us to love our enemies, but to befriend an enemy, we first have to acknowledge their existence, understand who they are, and recognize the ways they are acting in opposition to God’s good news. In this book the author looks closely at what the Bible says about enemies – who they are, what they do, and how Jesus and his followers responded to them. The result is a theology that allows us to name our enemies as a form of truth-telling about ourselves, our communities, and the histories in which our lives are embedded. Only then can we grapple with the power of the acts of destruction carried out by our enemies, and invite them to lay down their enmity, opening a path for healing, reconciliation, and unity.
Jesus named and confronted his enemies as an essential part to loving them. In this provocative book, Florer-Bixler calls us to do the same.

Kristin Kobes du Mez, Author and Historian wrote this review,

[This is] a powerfully disruptive book. Rejecting calls for superficial ‘unity’ and shallow ‘forgiveness’, Melissa Florer-Bixler shows how the path to true reconciliation entails inescapable enmity, collective anger, and the dismantling of power, all fueled by liberating love. – Kristin Kobes du Mez, Author, Historian

There are many current events in the larger world, closer to home, and within our own selves that – if we’re honest – stir up anger within us. For the health of our spirituality, we’re invited by this book to examine what loving an enemy actually means. (Step one - for me - acknowledge that I have an enemy – something my faith culture of origin refused to do!)


The intent for this book discussion group is to hold a safe space of learning and growing in love, hope and faith. Group discussions will hold space for participants to share what they noticed about the section being discussed – both regarding the content and how they responded emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and even physically while reading it. We will honor individual experiences by reserving judgement, correction, and teaching. We will learn from and about one another as we engage with the book, as well as the study guide developed by Herald Press (https://heraldpress.com/study-guides/ - under How to Have An Enemy).


A woman in glasses looks at a book, sitting on a yellow chair, smiling. A blurred figure is in the foreground. Wooden cabinet and plants decorate the room.

There’s no doubt that a "powerfully disruptive book’" that “entails inescapable enmity, collective anger and dismantling of power” will cause some to pause with trepidation about what sorts of outbursts may happen in a book discussion group of this kind. This is a real, normal, and valid concern! I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t aware of – and slightly nervous about - the potential risks of judgement, the tender wounds that need to be protected, and the varying levels of emotional regulation capacity the participants will be facing when we gather to discuss these topics. The nervous email inquiries I've received from potential participants express a similar awareness.


“I can understand concern about this book club,” I responded to one brave person who wrote me to discuss their hesitation.

It definitely is not a book that glosses over difficult issues. It will require participants to be open to listening to other people without judgement, correction or teaching as they share what they noticed in the book content and within themselves as they read it. We're not interested in arguing anyone into a different opinion and as hosts we will re-clarify this at the beginning of every gathering. It's very important to me that the group feel safe to share and discuss, ask questions and explore one another's perspectives without judgement. 
You do not need to agree with the Author's perspective to join the study, by any means. From what i can tell from reading the first half of the book, the author is challenging readers to look divisive issues in the eye and invites us to be curious about our own perspectives. I know already that there will be people from a relatively broad spectrum of ideologies participating in the book study and - in my view at least - the goal is to hold safe conversation about the book content and our personal responses in a way that allows for a diversity of opinions. We're not seeking to be uniform in our perspectives. Josh and I (the hosts for the study), for example, have quite different perspectives as far as Conservative/Liberal ideas. I'm curious about your perspective, and think it would be certainly be fitting for our discussions. 
One of the goals of the book and my own interest in it is the honest acknowledgement that we may have enemies in the first place, and acknowledging the emotions, feelings and responses that are real parts of our complex lives. It is certainly my experience, and perhaps of many people from Mennonite culture in South East Manitoba, that 'positive' emotions other than joy, love, etc. are not acknowledged or welcome. In a church calendar, how many sermons are spoken on the topic of righteous anger, lament, injustice? How often do we sing or preach on psalms of lament or the imprecatory psalms?  I’ve learned from my own experience that this can create an environment where spiritual/mental/emotional gymnastics are required in order to hold reality and faith in the same space. I'm hoping the discussions that will happen in this book study will be made up of mostly authentic sharing and honest questions. 


A person with glasses holds a blue-gray cup, reading a book on a sofa. Calm setting, beige background.

I’ve also come to realize that the way I host book clubs/discussions may be different than what others are used to. Due in large part to my training as a Spiritual Director, I’m more interested in drawing out how the readers respond to the book’s content, rather than the content itself. Each of us is invited to come to our own opinions of whether we agree with the author or not, but I will invite us all to examine what lies behind/beneath the opinions and responses that we hold. This is where the real work of learning, loving, and growing happens.



People sit around a campfire under a starry sky, trees in the background. The warm glow contrasts with the dark night, creating a cozy mood.

The book, in my mind, is akin to a bonfire the group members gather around. The fire provides a place for us to focus our initial attention, but the goal is to connect with one another more so than with the fire itself. The act of coming together grows community, it invites learning about different perspectives and the humanity behind them. Community dialogue also offers the potential to clarify for our own selves what, in fact, we think, believe and feel about the issues that arise. Discussions like this can provide space for learning about ourselves, inviting new growth and formation insofar as we are capable of being open and honest.

 


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